


island of the misfit toys

by soheresmyrightfinger



Series: fear and lust and pride [3]
Category: Mean Girls - Richmond/Benjamin/Fey
Genre: Alternate Universe - Mental Institution, Anxiety Attacks, Borderline Personality Disorder, Dissociation, Flashbacks, Gen, Mental Institutions, Past Abuse, Past Drug Use, Past Sexual Assault, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Self-Harm, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, inpatient au
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-05-19
Updated: 2019-08-23
Packaged: 2020-03-07 18:32:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 862
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18878851
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/soheresmyrightfinger/pseuds/soheresmyrightfinger
Summary: janis had been holding on to what was left of herself for years. one day, she finally let go.





	1. character guide

**Author's Note:**

> read the character notes and tags very carefully. this isn't really a happy story. if you think there's even the slightest possibility that this will be triggering then don't read it. this is more of a way for me to get out everything that happened. these are based on what I saw and experienced. 
> 
> that being said, if you decide to stick around after chapter one, I hope you enjoy! specific trigger warnings will be labeled per chapter.

_character guide_

* * *

 

cady heron

  * disorders: anxiety, depression, ptsd
  * history: self harm, suicidal ideation, sexual abuse
  * sexuality: bisexual
  * roommate: janis sarkisian



janis sarkisian

  * disorders: depression, anxiety, borderline personality disorder
  * history: self harm, suicidal ideation, sexual/emotional/physical abuse
  * sexuality: lesbian
  * roommate: cady heron



regina george

  * disorders: bipolar 1, anger problems, adhd, hallucinations
  * history: suicidal ideation, physical abuse, past drug abuse
  * sexuality: straight
  * roommate: no roommate - not allowed/blocked



karen smith

  * disorders: unspecified dissociative disorder, depression, anxiety
  * history: sexual/emotional trauma, self harm
  * sexuality: unsure
  * roommate: gretchen wieners



gretchen wieners

  * disorders: PTSD/flashbacks, bulimia, depression, anger problems, seizures
  * history: sexual abuse, suicidal ideation, self harm
  * sexuality: bisexual
  * roommate: karen smith



damian hubbard

  * disorders: hallucinations, depression
  * history: suicidal ideation, self harm
  * sexuality: gay
  * roommate: none



aaron samuels

  * disorders: anger problems, depression
  * history: suicidal ideation
  * sexuality: straight
  * roommate: kevin gnapoor



kevin gnapoor

  * disorders: severe anger problems
  * history: criminal record
  * sexuality: straight
  * roommate: aaron samuels



sharon norbury

  * RN - morning
  * does rounds



ron duvall

  * RN - night
  * gives meds and takes vitals.



**Notes for the Chapter:**

> you may have seen this work published before under the title "the dark i know well." i decided to take it down because i wanted to change a few things and start differently. i hope you bear with me on this haha.
> 
> tumblr: [soheresmyrightfinger](http://soheresmyrightfinger.tumblr.com)  
> twitter: [makesyoubrave](http://twitter.com/makesyoubrave)


	2. better hurry (i'm leaving soon)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw! suicide attempt. the triggering section will be blocked off. stay safe loves

**_one week before_ **

Janis was tired, so goddamn tired. No matter what she did, she couldn’t seem to stop hurting, or get rid of that empty longing feeling inside. She was sick of dragging through every day, wanting what she couldn’t have: wanting friends, wanting to feel loved, wanting to be _happy._

It all seemed so out of reach. Every time she had friends, or started to feel happy, she fucked it up, just like always. It seemed like the common factor in her unhappiness was her. She ran her fingers over the raised lines on her thighs and arms, thinking back on what caused them.

God, she was so tired of feeling alone, of _being_ alone. Everyone she loved left her and she could never figure out why. _Maybe I’m the problem._

She dragged her feet on her way to the bathroom, her body feeling as heavy as her heart as she dug around for a way out.

 

* * *

 

Finding the razor blade she had hidden in her medicine cabinet, she dug into her arm and pulled down, splitting the skin. She went again and again until she had six gashes on her left arm. She waited, tears blurring her vision, but they seemed to be shallow. She remembered she had a last resort: a bottle of pills meant to help her sleep. She had done her research on them, her extensive web searches filling her with a sick sort of happiness as they confirmed that overdose could be deadly.

 

* * *

 

And that was the last thing she remembered before she woke up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi loves, my deepest apologies for taking so long to publish this chapter, it's been a rough couple of weeks. i'll have an update schedule determined within the next week or so.  
> also i'm sorry this chapter is so short but the next one will be longer i promise.
> 
> go yell at me here:  
> tumblr: [soheresmyrightfinger](http://soheresmyrightfinger.tumblr.com)  
> twitter: [makesyoubrave](http://twitter.com/makesyoubrave)


	3. the choice was mine (i didn't think enough)

_four days before_

 

The next thing Janis knew, she was in a hospital bed with a tube down her nose. It wasn’t like this when she tried in middle school. She hadn’t even fallen asleep, and she remembered the whole thing. She had to wonder what made this time any different. 

She slowly began to move, running her fingers over the raised lines on both of her arms. _How long have I been asleep?_ As she took a moment to get her bearings, she realized she was in the hospital, but she didn’t remember what she did to bring her here. She knew, of course - what else could it have been? - but she had no memory of it.

She checked her phone to see multiple missed calls and notifications from multiple apps. It was overwhelming, but also frustrating. No one cared until it was too late. That was the worst part of all this. Not knowing who really cared and who was just reaching out to relieve their guilty conscience. She locked her phone and slid it under her leg, knowing she probably wouldn’t be allowed to have it anyway. Some bullshit about ‘preventing triggers.’ What could she possibly do now that was worse than what got her here?

“Oh good, you’re awake!”

 

* * *

 

The next few days dragged on, save for the visit from a few of Janis’s friends. She was flattered that they had taken the almost hour-long drive across the highway to come visit her. But of course, she had to leave eventually, and as much as she wished she could get back to her normal life, that’s just not the way things worked. Especially not for her.

“What do you think about that?” The psychiatrist asked, and it took all of Janis’s willpower to not roll her eyes. She knew she had no choice in the matter, and she said as much, crossing her arms defensively. “This is your second attempt in the past 3 months, so we think you could benefit from psychiatric care.” He explained, the two doctors standing on either side of him nodding in confirmation.

Janis looked between the three doctors in front of her, lined up as if to create a barrier between her and the rest of her life. “It didn’t help last time, but again, I have no choice. So, whatever.” She muttered. She was sick of this shit and she just wanted to go home. But here she was again, helpless, with no say in what was happening or what she could do about it. It was such bullshit.

 

“You’ll be admitted tomorrow afternoon.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi lovely people! my apologies for the wait on updates, things have been very hectic but i'm working on it i promise. this chapter is a bit of filler, as the story will pick up next chapter :)
> 
> go yell at me ~~for not updating~~ here:  
> tumblr: [soheresmyrightfinger](http://soheresmyrightfinger.tumblr.com)  
> twitter: [makesyoubrave](http://twitter.com/makesyoubrave)


End file.
